Giving Up Control
The title of this blog pretty much sums up the past 6-9 months of my life. I have given up doing the "logical things" and am now stepping out in faith and trusting the Lord in so many more areas of my life. Giving up the control to Him is freeing now, but the process was difficult with many sleepless nights.
To begin, I resigned from my job in the spring so that I will not be returning this school year, but homeschooling. That's a big leap in itself, but Seth did the same thing in hopes that we will have our support raised prior to the end of the 2013-2014 school year. He began working at a Mexican restaurant over the summer and will be substitute teaching in the fall full time. (I will also be keeping a friends' girls during the day to bring in a little more income as well.) Those are HUGE changes for our family, but the Lord has given us the grace and the peace needed in this season. I started homeschooling 3 weeks ago to get our kids into a semi-routine before we throw two more kids into the mix. Cruz is really enjoying homeschooling...done in 2 hours or less most days (with the exception of reading time.). The girls are a little bored right now learning to read, but we're getting there!
Also, our home is still for sale...and has been since February. We began trying to sell FSBO with no luck, so about 3 weeks ago we made the decision to get a realtor, an old friend of mine from when I attended FBC Hattiesburg in and after college. He is very hard-working and a wonderful people-person and we're praying the Lord will use his skills to help us in the process. Our home has been just about cleared out...it could almost pass for a B & B we have so few items now! (That leads to a whole other blog on minimalism!) I love how few items we have...I actually daily look for more things we can get rid of to have less things, weird, I know! Our home is so much more peaceful when I can look around and not see clutter and things that need to be put away somewhere. (Check out that uncluttered kitchen below...I'd love to say it always looks like that, but I'd be lying to you. I do try though!)
In the spring, Seth made the decision that he needed to make a trip to Bolivia this summer. Did I think this would be wise considering our current situation with jobs and a mortgage? Honestly, I wasn't for it. I was even afraid to tell my parents, I was that against it. (Not trusting the Lord with this area.) I now really regret that now that he is in Bolivia as I am typing this. This trip really was necessary and he is learning so much that will help us prepare for what's ahead. I think withholding that trust has really put a distance between myself and the Lord...I have not drawn near to Him nor craved time in His word. I was afraid of feeling convicted for letting my fears discern my attitudes rather than faith.
Anyways, today that changes. I see how that distance has affected me more and more through my children. Their attitudes are a pretty good indicator of the attitude they are seeing in me...Lola is frustrated and angry a lot lately. Cruz has had some anger issues lately himself. Carmen has low self-worth. They all have struggled with showing proper respect. But if I am really honest, I have not treated them as the loving, compassionate mother they need. I haven't spent time with Jesus soaking up His word and encouraging myself in the Lord, and its been very evident in my home. As we've been trying to strengthen our relationships with others in this season prior to leaving the states, I have struggled to embrace my time with others (family and friends) because I have been keeping such a close grip on my kids trying to make sure they "behave."
My email address is smilesalot789@hotmail.com. I got it when I was a young teen and just never got a grown up one :-) I chose that one because I used to smile a lot...I was so full of the joy of the Lord and spoke of my love for Him with everyone I knew. I want to be more like the old me that smiled a lot and walked in joy, abiding in Him. I want to see that same joy and love in my children's faces. I am choosing to trust the Lord with my children and family. I have tried to control and do things in my own strength for too long and now I am desperate for the Lord's wisdom and help. I pray that next time you see me I won't be so worried about how my kids are acting, but more mindful of how I can be a blessing to you in our time together.
To begin, I resigned from my job in the spring so that I will not be returning this school year, but homeschooling. That's a big leap in itself, but Seth did the same thing in hopes that we will have our support raised prior to the end of the 2013-2014 school year. He began working at a Mexican restaurant over the summer and will be substitute teaching in the fall full time. (I will also be keeping a friends' girls during the day to bring in a little more income as well.) Those are HUGE changes for our family, but the Lord has given us the grace and the peace needed in this season. I started homeschooling 3 weeks ago to get our kids into a semi-routine before we throw two more kids into the mix. Cruz is really enjoying homeschooling...done in 2 hours or less most days (with the exception of reading time.). The girls are a little bored right now learning to read, but we're getting there!
Also, our home is still for sale...and has been since February. We began trying to sell FSBO with no luck, so about 3 weeks ago we made the decision to get a realtor, an old friend of mine from when I attended FBC Hattiesburg in and after college. He is very hard-working and a wonderful people-person and we're praying the Lord will use his skills to help us in the process. Our home has been just about cleared out...it could almost pass for a B & B we have so few items now! (That leads to a whole other blog on minimalism!) I love how few items we have...I actually daily look for more things we can get rid of to have less things, weird, I know! Our home is so much more peaceful when I can look around and not see clutter and things that need to be put away somewhere. (Check out that uncluttered kitchen below...I'd love to say it always looks like that, but I'd be lying to you. I do try though!)
In the spring, Seth made the decision that he needed to make a trip to Bolivia this summer. Did I think this would be wise considering our current situation with jobs and a mortgage? Honestly, I wasn't for it. I was even afraid to tell my parents, I was that against it. (Not trusting the Lord with this area.) I now really regret that now that he is in Bolivia as I am typing this. This trip really was necessary and he is learning so much that will help us prepare for what's ahead. I think withholding that trust has really put a distance between myself and the Lord...I have not drawn near to Him nor craved time in His word. I was afraid of feeling convicted for letting my fears discern my attitudes rather than faith.
Anyways, today that changes. I see how that distance has affected me more and more through my children. Their attitudes are a pretty good indicator of the attitude they are seeing in me...Lola is frustrated and angry a lot lately. Cruz has had some anger issues lately himself. Carmen has low self-worth. They all have struggled with showing proper respect. But if I am really honest, I have not treated them as the loving, compassionate mother they need. I haven't spent time with Jesus soaking up His word and encouraging myself in the Lord, and its been very evident in my home. As we've been trying to strengthen our relationships with others in this season prior to leaving the states, I have struggled to embrace my time with others (family and friends) because I have been keeping such a close grip on my kids trying to make sure they "behave."
My email address is smilesalot789@hotmail.com. I got it when I was a young teen and just never got a grown up one :-) I chose that one because I used to smile a lot...I was so full of the joy of the Lord and spoke of my love for Him with everyone I knew. I want to be more like the old me that smiled a lot and walked in joy, abiding in Him. I want to see that same joy and love in my children's faces. I am choosing to trust the Lord with my children and family. I have tried to control and do things in my own strength for too long and now I am desperate for the Lord's wisdom and help. I pray that next time you see me I won't be so worried about how my kids are acting, but more mindful of how I can be a blessing to you in our time together.
You are so gifted as a writer and I enjoy your blog. So, I think what you are saying is you are "poor in spirit". Look that up in Matthew. The devil likes to make us all feel so guilty and beneath and not above. I love you and enjoyed our time together today.
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