Seek and You Will Find
I've been seeking something lately...well behaved kids. With my 3 kids so close in age (6,4,3) the typical day with my kiddos can be quite eventful and challenging. Breaking up fights, figuring out if a cry is real or fake, dealing with broken toys and hurt feelings, discouraging annoying "baby talk," trying to teach them to use self control and good manners, and in all of that also looking for moments to remind them to not only look to honor me and their dad, but also their Father in heaven. Seth's been out of town for a few days (well, he left yesterday morning but it seems like its been a lot longer!) and whild he's been gone, I have been reading a few parenting books. One is from a christian perspective and one from a well-known professional. Both have similar strategies and things that I can apply right now, but when it comes right down to it, there are moments where I just don't know what to say to my kids when they make poor choices. The books aren't giving me the words to say. When my four year old says, "whatever" under her breath after I've just gotten onto her about something, when they get in each others' face and yell at each other about something really ridiculous...I am embarrassed to say that I just don't know what to say in these moments. I can be the mom that listens to my kids and invests time with them. We read books together, play in the yard, do crafts, have family movie time, color pictures. I can be the mom that gets them places on time, has them at church every Sunday and most Wednesdays, feeds them nutritious meals, gets them bathed and looking nice. I can do all that just fine. But disciplining them? I really struggle here.
One thing I am really getting at in one of the books is that the behavior you most dislike in your kids is something that often comes from one of their parents. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a "yeller." I dislike raising my voice, neither of my parents ever had to do this often, if ever. But the more I think about my behavior, how frustrated I get when they break something or make a big mess, or don't stay quiet at nap time, my frustration and lack of patience is rubbing off on them. I can no longer say, "Well, its just the terrible threes." They act how we allow them to act. I know kids are not perfect, but I also know what kind hearted, respectful kids look like. I feel like I see that in my kids about 50% of the time and I'm not satisfied with that.
Catching up on my blog reading today, I came across a great chart to use in these moments where my kids leave me speechless with the disrepectfulness of their tone of voice or behavior. I consider it a blessing, although I should have been using specific verses from God's word all along. The blog is http://www.whenyourise.com/2012/06/using-bible-to-correct-and-encourage.html for anyone interested. I feel like the Lord is telling me that yes, books can provide some wisdom and helpful tips, but ultimately His word truly has the answer to all of our problems.
Psalms 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
2 Tim. 3:16 All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness.
Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path.
One of the books I'm reading stressed that you should parent with the future in mind...how do I want them behaving, speaking, etc. when they are 10 years old, 15 years old? What I am doing now will influence how they act down the road. That's why I've got to get God's word in their heart and on their lips. Lord, give myself and my kids a desire to honor you in all their ways. I want 1 Timothy 4:12 to be true about their lives, that others won't look down on them because they are young, but they will set an example for believes in speech, life, love, faith, and purity. That is so much more important than some of the other things we place value in as parents.
One thing I am really getting at in one of the books is that the behavior you most dislike in your kids is something that often comes from one of their parents. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a "yeller." I dislike raising my voice, neither of my parents ever had to do this often, if ever. But the more I think about my behavior, how frustrated I get when they break something or make a big mess, or don't stay quiet at nap time, my frustration and lack of patience is rubbing off on them. I can no longer say, "Well, its just the terrible threes." They act how we allow them to act. I know kids are not perfect, but I also know what kind hearted, respectful kids look like. I feel like I see that in my kids about 50% of the time and I'm not satisfied with that.
Catching up on my blog reading today, I came across a great chart to use in these moments where my kids leave me speechless with the disrepectfulness of their tone of voice or behavior. I consider it a blessing, although I should have been using specific verses from God's word all along. The blog is http://www.whenyourise.com/2012/06/using-bible-to-correct-and-encourage.html for anyone interested. I feel like the Lord is telling me that yes, books can provide some wisdom and helpful tips, but ultimately His word truly has the answer to all of our problems.
Psalms 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
2 Tim. 3:16 All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness.
Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path.
One of the books I'm reading stressed that you should parent with the future in mind...how do I want them behaving, speaking, etc. when they are 10 years old, 15 years old? What I am doing now will influence how they act down the road. That's why I've got to get God's word in their heart and on their lips. Lord, give myself and my kids a desire to honor you in all their ways. I want 1 Timothy 4:12 to be true about their lives, that others won't look down on them because they are young, but they will set an example for believes in speech, life, love, faith, and purity. That is so much more important than some of the other things we place value in as parents.
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