Angry Mom
*warning: This post is extremely honest. Please love me :-)
I don't know when it started, but I became angry mom at some point in this motherhood journey. Walking too slowly to put you dishes away, "Hurry up, kid!" Not getting multiplication, "Come on, think!" Its time to go to school and you aren't ready, "Put your shoes on in the car, and you can just go to school with bad breath. We gotta go!" All those examples I just thought of point to another sin problem, perhaps the root of "angry mom," and that is impatience.
It would be easy to blame it on our stressful life. The stress of coming home after working with students on their English all day, to have to spend hours with my 3 kids doing homework in spanish. The stress of practically raising several teen boys who don't have active parents in their lives to tell them, "You don't need to go to that party," and "Are you fleeing from temptation?" or "Are you in the word this week, seeking God?" The stress of being white people in a different country, where you are very slowly growing in acquiring their language and customs. And this ones really personal, but the stress of wanting to have a baby so very badly after almost 10 years of marriage, and watching friends having their 4th and 5th easily. (as a side note, unless I have talked to you personally about that last "stressor," please don't send me advice regarding this. Just an honest plea. Thanks!)
I told a friend not too long ago that I'm not the mom I always imagined I would be. But, I don't think its too late for that dream. Perhaps the problems I am having with my kids are because of my sin problems. Earlier today in one class I showed the John Piper sermon jam on youtube about making war against the sin in our hearts. I felt the Holy Spirit telling me it is time to make war against the impatience and anger I show towards my children. I came home today after thinking about that, and in the moment of testing, I failed again. Cruz wasn't moving fast enough when I told him to go get something for me. "Really?" you ask. Yup. So tonight after having a sour attitude with another member of our family (my sweet husband), I spent some time talking to God and just being still with him. When I put the kids to bed, I tearfully apologized to each of them for my bad example and told them how much I dearly love them and that I understand that when I am angry with them, they don't feel loved. They were forgiving and I got the sweetest hugs and responses I've had in a long time.
I know I will have many more opportunities this week to see if I am really at war against these attitudes...every day. Pray for me that I will have strength from Christ and will be determined to be more like Him in my attitude.
I love what Philippians 2:3-5 says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus."
Lord, help me to do this and bring you glory as a mom, and through the lives of my children.
I don't know when it started, but I became angry mom at some point in this motherhood journey. Walking too slowly to put you dishes away, "Hurry up, kid!" Not getting multiplication, "Come on, think!" Its time to go to school and you aren't ready, "Put your shoes on in the car, and you can just go to school with bad breath. We gotta go!" All those examples I just thought of point to another sin problem, perhaps the root of "angry mom," and that is impatience.
It would be easy to blame it on our stressful life. The stress of coming home after working with students on their English all day, to have to spend hours with my 3 kids doing homework in spanish. The stress of practically raising several teen boys who don't have active parents in their lives to tell them, "You don't need to go to that party," and "Are you fleeing from temptation?" or "Are you in the word this week, seeking God?" The stress of being white people in a different country, where you are very slowly growing in acquiring their language and customs. And this ones really personal, but the stress of wanting to have a baby so very badly after almost 10 years of marriage, and watching friends having their 4th and 5th easily. (as a side note, unless I have talked to you personally about that last "stressor," please don't send me advice regarding this. Just an honest plea. Thanks!)
I told a friend not too long ago that I'm not the mom I always imagined I would be. But, I don't think its too late for that dream. Perhaps the problems I am having with my kids are because of my sin problems. Earlier today in one class I showed the John Piper sermon jam on youtube about making war against the sin in our hearts. I felt the Holy Spirit telling me it is time to make war against the impatience and anger I show towards my children. I came home today after thinking about that, and in the moment of testing, I failed again. Cruz wasn't moving fast enough when I told him to go get something for me. "Really?" you ask. Yup. So tonight after having a sour attitude with another member of our family (my sweet husband), I spent some time talking to God and just being still with him. When I put the kids to bed, I tearfully apologized to each of them for my bad example and told them how much I dearly love them and that I understand that when I am angry with them, they don't feel loved. They were forgiving and I got the sweetest hugs and responses I've had in a long time.
I know I will have many more opportunities this week to see if I am really at war against these attitudes...every day. Pray for me that I will have strength from Christ and will be determined to be more like Him in my attitude.
I love what Philippians 2:3-5 says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus."
Lord, help me to do this and bring you glory as a mom, and through the lives of my children.
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